I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
