If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
