Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
