If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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