his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Someone signed my nipple.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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