Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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