I feel like I'm in dance class right now
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
