Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
