suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
