Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
