I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize