No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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