Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
