Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
