some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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