there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
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i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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