Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
