Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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