why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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