that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
