A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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