I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
