Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
