Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
