if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
