Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
