I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
