My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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