you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The beer is more important than you right now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
