Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just invented taco cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize