I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
