i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
