Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
