Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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