He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
