I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
