She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
