You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
