i just had sex bonerless
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
