Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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