Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
