Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize