I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
