I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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