Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
