tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize