I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
