Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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