I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
