I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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