whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
