I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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