standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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