i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You are the jesus of drinking
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
