thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
