i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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