I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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