I haven't been this sober since birth.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
