well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
