I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
