i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
